March272013

gold star.

I hate seeing that post that starts out like “If you didn’t cut last night, I’m proud of you…”

I feel bad when I see that post (even though the second half is more encouraging) because, like, what, do I not get a gold star because I picked at my skin until I was too ashamed to look at myself or I stayed up until ungodly hours of the night worrying myself sick? Am I not good enough at recovery for you?

We’re all really hard on ourselves. I don’t know about you, but whenever I see that post, I just think of my shortcomings in recovery. And I think of the people who gave in to their destructive urges, who binged and purged or cut or couldn’t stand up for themselves or attempted suicide. How does that post make them feel? We’re already feeling weak. We don’t need you to point it out.

I know that post means well, but it almost feels like rubbing it in — people who struggle with depression, self-harm, anxiety, and eating disorders are already “punishing” themselves in their minds for their mistakes. (I do it all the time.)

I need posts that tell me, "It’s okay that you fucked up. It’s okay that you broke down and picked at your skin or cried yourself to sleep or could barely get out of bed today or couldn’t talk yourself down from a panic attack. Try again tomorrow. You’re still good at stuff. Here’s your gold star."

Oh hey. I just wrote that post. :)

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